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I Have Lived Too Many Lives
By C.E.  White 2-05-02

At the age of 46 years and 94 days I have lived too many lives through movies and TV. I have courted too many girls, married too many women, died and left behind too many wives and children. AND I have buried too many of the same and seen too many of my friends die. I have seen great kindness and loves yet the cruelties have out weighed the good. I have seen the indomitable spirit of man rise again and again … AND I’ve seen it squashed far too many times. The lack of love and consideration that these movies and TV can portrait is absolutely astounding. I fear this has actually turned the world into these same uncaring lifeless imaginary characters. I am tired … very tired …

These movies cause me to live vicariously through them. If I live vicariously through them, then it stands to reason, that through them I would also die vicariously. All emotions between life and death goes with this vicarious living. Joy, solemness, happiness, sadness, regret, pride, anger, grief, tears, and laughter.

As a result of all of this it has kept me perpetually at the edge of death. Being at the brink of death perpetually drains any and all positive energy or vitality. The constant bombardment of the inevitable date with the grim reaper has turned me into a person who has no zest for life … no understanding of it. It has made me a man who wonders how and why people can find these things entertaining … AND … it makes me wonder why we are even here.

It is my contention that these visual stories steal all of our energy. Energy that is meant for us to use living our own lives. I would yell foul, or even better described, conspiracy, but who could foresee such an outcome from the invention of the photograph and then the moving picture.

It probably, as in all things, … had the potential of being something great, good, and wonderful, and as always, mankind, through the temptation provided by the devil, has turned it into something destructive.

I have noticed that the emotions of my vicarious living spills over into my real life and… too much of the time … I cannot discern the difference between the two.

I have felt this for quite some time but my addiction to passing my time with my vicarious friends has prevented me from admitting it. I only find the strength to admit it now because I have slipped into such despair that I must contemplate the weaknesses as well as the stumbling blocks in my life. If I wish too change this melancholy disposition I have I must deal with these life stealing atrocities.

Yet, even as I write these words, I can feel being drawn, almost uncontrollably, to the emotional intoxication that these same said vicarious friends and family stir up.

Only the very callused can live in front of the TV and movie screen and not let it have some semblance of these same effects on them. How many others have this difficulty?

No matter the number I would venture to say that more than 99% of them do not even begin to realize the effect it has on them …. At least not on a conscious level.